I can connect the words of a certain song with an important event of my life. When you fully recognize your vocation, the words of the following song seem to be appropriate:
" You were walking on the earth as human , o Lord
like every human, you had the heart and two hands.
You shared your great heart with people,
You divided it as a bread.
People take this bread from Your Hands,
Because You still give like you used to.
Take me, o Lord, in your hands
LIKE A GIFT, BECAUSE I'M ALL YOURS!
I give you my heart, o Lord,
I give you my strong hands.
Give my hands strength,
So they can bring the world up to You !"
These words enkindled my heart. I felt a great happiness that the Lord wants this, that I can help Him, that He needs me.
Yes, it's very simple, yet... to understand my joy in full, I need to go back to the beginning of my vocation... It was very early when the Lord knocked to the door of my heart. It was in third grade of elementary school. During the sermon preached by a religious sister, I heard very quiet voice that said: "Follow me." It was my treasure hidden deep in my heart. Later, as it goes in life, I forgot. The new plans and ambitions emerged. The precious pearl vanished from my thoughts and desires. "I totally "stepped down" to the earth. I wanted to have a home, a loving husband, and children. I was fascinated by chemistry. Everything was planned to the last detail of my life. But, the Lord didn't forget. During the youth retreat, the deacon said, "Pray to the Mother of God for recognizing your vocation." Hearing this, I was laughing. I, the wise high school student, knew EVERYTHING. The truth was different. I started to participate in meetings organized by sisters. The motivation was this, "Absolutely won't talk and think about life in the convent, I just want to deepen my relationship with Christ." My aunt, who suggested going to these meetings, didn't say anything. She just smiled. Every month, for a year and a half, we were going to the sisters living on Zielna Street. It seemed that everything was going according to my plans. Suddenly... It was winter evening. We were getting ready to leave the convent, when one of the sisters asked: "Do you think about religious life?" Again, I smiled and said, "Me ?!, Absolutely not. It's not for me. I have other plans." Yes. But they were MY plans, not God's. This one question asked unexpectedly was constantly coming back and wouldn't go away. I was trying to escape from it and block myself from it with my plans. Whatever I tried, nothing worked. The question would just come back and never leave. I struggled with it for a half of a year. It was a battle for "I want ". With time, my resistance weakened. Finally, I started to ask the Lord to tell me clearly what He wants from me. If You plan for me the life in the convent, I will go there, but only if I'm 100% sure. The Lord didn't send me any answer, so I said, "Lord, You have the vacation time. If You tell me what You want me to do, I will do it. If not, I will follow my plans." I came to Komorow for "Vacation with God". During the reflections on the topic of Beatitudes, I was even involved in looking for the verses from the Bible. I was still joyful, childish, and not very serious. And again, a question, "Who wants to talk to Mother General?" My decision surprised everybody, even myself. I don't know anything, so why go? Despite everything, I went. My first sentence was, "I don't know anything" followed by my arguments against the life in the convent. Then, there came very gentle words from Mother General, "Good. Your plans are very beautiful. But, you're not for the life in the world!" All of a sudden, my wall of defenses had fallen. I was amazed by how does she know? She doesn't even know me. Then, I understood. It wasn't her who knew, it was God! He is giving me the long awaited answer. I heard what I asked for! Though later, I still tried to push away that certainty, I knew that my place is in this congregation, the Missionary Sisters of the Holy Family. It is my precious pearl. Today, I wouldn't exchange this pearl for anything. It is MY pearl because it was Lord's will.
"I give you my heart, o Lord
I give you my strong hands.
Give my hands strength,
So they can bring the world up to You."
Sr. Michaela
(17 years in religious life)